Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Are we all commit-o-phobes?

Carrie: Come on, you wouldn't commit to a nice guy, given the option?

Stanford Blanch: I can't even commit to a long distance carrier.

If you have watched Sex and the City, you've probably seen this episode. But it's not just relationship commitments we have problems with, it's all types of commitments.

A disturbing trend I've noticed the last few years is a lack of commitment. We have a lack of commitment to ourselves and a lack of commitment to others. Why is that? And are we passing it on to our kids?

First, we long ago quit committing to ourselves. We start a diet, we stop a diet. We start to get the house organized, it's trashed in a week. We start exercising, we stop exercising. We quit smoking, we restart smoking.

When did we become a nation of quitters? When did we decide to take the easy route?

Come on guys, where's our never quit spirit? 'MERICA doesn't quit! We commit!

If you sign up for a three day a week membership at our gym, I expect you there three days a week! I know it's easier to just go home after work because you are tired, I know it's easier to convince yourself that you just can't make it today and come up with a billion excuses as to why you not.  But where will that get you? Nowhere. C'mon! Your commitment to yourself and your health and wellness is just as important as anything else.

If you tell me you want to change your diet, don't quit on yourself because it's hard. Yes it is, but you can do it! Commit to small changes. More protein this week. An extra serving of vegetables each day next week.

Secondly, we are no longer committing to others. When we get an invitation, we don't rsvp. When we make plans with others, inevitably, somebody 'no shows' because "something came up." When we click, "make reservation" for a class at the gym, we treat it as a negotiable thing, not a pledge to ourselves, our classmates and our coaches.

When someone asks us if we want to do something Friday night, we respond with a vaque non-committal answer along the lines of, "Well, I'll see. I may be going with so-and-so to the such-and-such, but if that falls through I'll let you know." If we had commitment to each other, this conversation would rarely happen. You would KNOW if you and so-and-so were doing something because you would have committed. Instead, you and so-and-so are demonstrating what experts call "plan shopping"

Plan shopping is the phenomena of holding out on commitment and holding out on making any firm plans in case something (or someone) better comes along. But then this leads us into FOMO.

FOMO, Fear Of Missing Out is when you are afraid to make a plan or commitment because something better might come along after you've committed and you'll be left with the sadder, less fun option. In fact, Huffington Post coined the term Commitment Fomobia!

Oh what a tangled web we weave. 

I saw something floating around on Facebook the other day about a kid having a birthday party at the bouncy house and nobody showing up. Nobody! Now, maybe this kid was a turd and nobody wanted to hang out with him, but the parents of the invitees could have at least rsvp'd that they weren't coming!

And speaking of kids, what is this non-commitment attitude teaching them? If you don't like the way things are going, just quit? Whatever happened to, "You signed up for this, tough it out?"

Parents, if you sign your kids up for sports or a play or music lessons, take them to those practices! They shouldn't be missing practices because something better or random came up. If you can't commit to getting them there, don't sign them up.

Maybe the problem is that we have choice overload. I don't know. It just honestly pisses me off when I watch people let themselves and others down.

I realize this is not my best post ever and it rambles and veers toward rant territory, but I just wanted to sit down and commit to a post on commitment.

What do you think? Are we suffering from  Commitment Fomobia? Why?

Stay strong y'all!

Do me a favor and subscribe to my email list. Not only will you be able to keep up with all my random thoughts, you'll get first notice when I finish this really cool project I am working on! I promise not to spam you or sell your information! 

This project is one that I hope will enrich your life! It's taking a lot of things I've learned through the years and boiling them down into quickly digestible truths. 

This post is linked up
grab button for The Fit Foodie MamaFitful Focus


  1. I definitely think people in general suffer from commitment phobia. Thankfully, I don't believe I am one of them. If anything, I commit to too much and try to do it all! That might be just as bad ;)

    1. I am probably the same way! I will drive myself into the ground to do something I said I would do. I imagine there is a balance somewhere in between the two. Now just to find it!

  2. I'm too committed at times..I think extremes with anything can be bad!! Thanks for linking up (two times over ;) )

  3. I think I probably commit to too much!

    1. I fear we are the anomalies Deborah! However, I think if I had to be one or the other, I'd prefer to be too committed. Thanks for stopping by!

  4. Oh there are so many commitment-phobes out there! I know I need to commit to doing my cross training, haha! I can run no problem but all that extra work? Who needs that?!

    1. Haha! I'm the opposite! Running, blech! :) Thank you for stopping by!

  5. I agree with this 100%, and I'm sorry to say that I'm guilty of not committing to events quite often :-/. Of course, if it is a big event like a birthday party or a wedding and invites have been sent, I commit to go or not go - but casual weekend things? Hardly ever. It's terrible. I think because we all have cell phones and email now it's easy to do things more off the cuff. When there were only land lines and snail mail, you had to make plans and pretty much stick to them!

    1. I hadn't even thought about cell phone connection! That's a very interesting point! Thanks Nicole!